


Din Djarin, Dumbass.

by MissTeaVee



Series: A Distinct Lack of Mandalorian Mystique [2]
Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: As soon as Din starts Suffering Paz is there, Cara is SO MAD because she shipped it damn it, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22137769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissTeaVee/pseuds/MissTeaVee
Summary: Technically Mandalorians are supposed to never take the helmets off, even for sex. Cara learns the cultural loophole and is FURIOUS.Silly stuff.
Relationships: The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)/Omera (Star Wars)
Series: A Distinct Lack of Mandalorian Mystique [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602253
Comments: 80
Kudos: 855





	Din Djarin, Dumbass.

**Author's Note:**

> Post a happier Ep 8 where the Covert’s totally still around and in full force. Cara is Din’s friend and ally so she’s cool to the Covert and can totally hang around with them if she wants to.

Cara was reclined over a chair, sipping her drink, and trying not to boggle too hard. Bit tricky when you were the only non-Mandalorian in a room. But hey, if her position as Din’s buddy meant she could hang out with a bunch of other very deadly people and shoot the shit? That was fine with her.

As it turned out, Mandalorians were the worst gossips possible. She supposed living underground and only rarely being able to emerge did that to anyone. It was pretty funny considering how little Din spoke, though he was nodding along as one of his tribesmen spun quite the tale of how someone had been trying to seduce someone else in the Covert. Cara didn’t get the entire context, not completely understanding the culture, but the mental image of a fully armored Mandalorian trying to offer flowers that he’d picked from god-knows-where to another, only for the other to use their flamethrower to burn the offending offering was the funniest fucking thing she’d ever heard.

“And then Edii told him that even if he were the last warrior in the universe, she wouldn’t share even a three hour marriage with him,” Finished the Purple-clad Mandalorian with relish. It seemed like every time Cara sat down, Savii would find an excuse to hang out nearby, though considering she had the most ridiculous stories, Cara didn’t mind too much.

She snickered. “Afraid I don’t get that term.”

“Hm?”

“Three hour marriage?”

“Oh its… uh…. Hm. Well,” Din’s voice all too clearly revealed that he was blushing. Cara raised her eyebrow at him. Interesting.

“It’s uh… a cultural thing,” Said Savii, looking away and sounding only a bit less embarrassed than Din. “Our… way of saying people… hooked up.”

“Oh,” Cara blinked at that. “Complicated term.”

“Yeah well, it’s less stupid than making out around blindfolds or some nonsense,” muttered Savii. “Or whatever else those  _ novels _ have come up with by now.”

Wait a second…

Cara had met a few married couples in this Covert… and she had come to understand that they could bare their faces to one another…  _ No frigging way. _

“When you say three hour marriage, are you saying that these people are literally saying a wedding vow so they can fuck, then divorcing right after?”

“Yep,” Din popped the ‘p’ for emphasis. “And yes, it is as ridiculous as it sounds. Some people,” He sounded irritated, but he wasn’t directing it at anyone in particular. “Do go to that length.”

“Technically, it’s allowed, though as you can bet a whole lot of  _ traditionalists _ think it really goes against the spirit of the Creed, Though uh… normally it’s an all night deal, not just three hours...” Savii finished, leaning on her elbow with a posture of amusement. Cara looked back and forth between them, well experienced at this point that Mandos were known to mess with people. There was no way that this was the actual answer to the ‘do Mandalorians have sex with the helmet on’ question. Why the absolute heck would they even tell her this!?

Then Savii shifted awkwardly, as if she was peeking at Cara from the side of her visor. Oh. Well, that explained a couple things. Djarin’s helmet turned slowly and Cara knew he was glaring at his fellow Mandalorian. She considered all the information for a long moment, and then…

“So does this whole thing apply purely to Mando on Mando love, or if a Mandalorian liked some other person well enough, could they apply it?” She asked slowly. Savii’s helmet whipped around to look at her.

“Well, technically anyone, though I’d like to think that a Mandalorian would really trust whoever it was because… well you know.”

“Big deal, getting married, even for only a few hours,” Cara said, smirking to herself. “So you basically gotta announce to everyone you’re gonna go get laid. I can see that being a deterrent.”

“Nnnnno?” Said Savii slowly, and Cara could just imagine her squinting. “Marriage vows are always a private thing, the couple usually announces it withing a day or two though.”

“Oh I see, and if this little romantic loophole were to go on theoretically no one else knows, and while it’s clearly frowned upon, it’s technically alright?”

“Yea,” Said Savii, cocking her head. Cara nodded seriously, and then took a deep breath, turning to Djarin.

“So. All this DAMNED TIME that I watched you watching Omera like a lovesick puppy there was a GOD DAMNED WORK AROUND.”

Din recoiled, nearly falling off his chair in surprise. Savii made a noise of interest, and a few other helmeted heads turned curiously at Cara’s outburst. Cara reached over the table and slammer her hands on either side of Djarin’s helmet -stupid move, though she made no attempt to pull on it- and shook him side to side until his arms snapped up and shoved her away.

“Are you saying the untouchable Din Djarin had a crush?” Asked Savii in delight. Cara turned towards her and spread her arms out in disgust.

“Sure, let’s call it that. And YOU,” She spun back around to point at Din, absolutely indignant on his behalf, and Omera’s behalf, remembering the sad way the woman had watched the man in shining armor. Oh how Omera had wanted. “If that beautiful young widow had looked at me the way she watched you, I’d have settled down to krill farming in a heartbeat!”

“Cara-”

“Oh no, that woman adored you. She wanted you so bad even when she thought you probably had the big green ears under that bucket. She actually approached me one day to make absolute certain that you and I weren’t a thing,” Cara thought she might scream in frustration. “You spent WEEKS trailing around after her like a lovesick teenager and I just figured, okay fine, his religion is that important to him, he can’t make the move. And now I learn your damned religion has a great big loophole that Omera would’ve jumped through in a heartbeat for you! I’m pretty sure she would’ve jumped you even if the helmet stayed on!”

“Cara-”

“Do you know what you are, Djarin?” Said Cara, clapping her hands on either side of his helmet again, and leaning in to stare at approximately where his eyes would be. “You are an idiot sandwich.”

“I’m a what.”

“You heard me. An absolute dumbass rests between my hands right now.”

There was a snigger from off to the side, and Cara realized belatedly that she was yelling at Din in front of his entire Tribe. Whoops. Din took advantage of her hesitation to push her hands away again, and when he spoke, he sounded weary.

“Can you  _ please _ do this somewhere else?”

“Absolutely not,” Said a cheerful voice off to the side. Cara looked up to see Paz Vizla leaned up on a nearby wall, posture outright delighted. “This is the most fun the rest’ve us have had in  _ years _ . Please don’t stop on our account.”

Cara turned back to Din, hands on her hips, grin slowly spreading across her face as she realized no one was about to separate her from her victim. Shame she couldn’t see him pale.


End file.
